Adults These Days

Okay, so these kids in Greenwich, Connecticut get bored and decide to build a miniature Fenway Park; you know... Fenway... the home of the Boston Red Sox? Anyway, these kids get together and go around town to find supplies. They recycle some plywood and pallets to make Fenway's famous green monster wall that's held so many potential doubles to singles. It took a considerable amount of imagination and even more physical effort for these kids to pull this off (sure as hell beats sitting at home eating microwaved burritos and playing Grand Theft Auto IV). They found an empty lot in their neighborhood, cleared out the shrubs and brush, and assembled their field of dreams, but before they could even get good 'n dirty sliding headfirst into second, they were being shut down.



Neighbors began to complain, seeing "Little-Fenway" as a noise violation, a risk liability, and -- God forbid -- an endangerment to their property values. Okay, risk liability? It's wiffle ball! I guess some people think their kids should stay safe at home blowing the heads off digital drug dealers and watching soft porn on HBO late at night. These people need to see it for the blessing it really is. These kids put lots of effort and thought into what they built. They've done something extremely positive in creating a safe recreational alternative to television and youtube. These kids are getting exercise and being OUTSIDE in an age where most kids grow up on the internet.

One neighbor, Liz Pate, was quoted saying:

"I'm all for Wiffle ball and apple pie and baseball and the American flag, but there are plenty of fields in town they can use instead of building something in people's backyard. If I come home at 6 at night after working all day, I want peace and quiet. I can't have that. I have dozens of people behind my house playing Wiffle ball. If their parents think this is so great, let them play at their house."

Okay, lady, you miserable fuckin' ogre. God forbid you get off work and come home to kids laughing and playing within earshot. You've got it bad. Maybe you should move to a quieter neighborhood where kids are selling drugs and killing eachother and not making suck an unbearable ruckus playing wiffle ball. How spoiled are we when the idea of kids playing in their back yard is so unbearable that we have to sick a legal team, the police, the town nuisance officer, AND the tree warden on them. It's a tough life you live, Liz Pate.

These kids would have an impossible time keeping me out of the games if I lived in Greenwich, Connecticut. I'd pester them until they let me at least umpire. What more do we have to do to keep kids inside, where they can overeat, drink Red Bull, and convince each other to send naked pictures of themselves over myspace? We wouldn't want the next C.C. Sabathia or Mickey Mantle to come out of their rooms and realize their potential, now would we?

Adults these days...